The Rule I've Refused to Compromise on in 25 Years of Running a Children's Camp
A mother recently asked me why parents would want to send their children away to camp.
"Why do they want to get rid of their kids?" she asked.
I was quite taken aback. I've spent 25 years watching children arrive at Sugar Bay, make friends, try things they've never done before and leave asking when they can come back. The idea that their parents were simply trying to get rid of them had never occurred to me.
As we talked, I realised that she couldn't imagine allowing her children to spend a week away from her. She was worried about their safety, and I understood that.
I explained how camp works, who looks after the children and what we do to keep them safe. By the end of our conversation, I think she was beginning to see why children might actually want to go.
It got me thinking about one of our most important safety rules. It's a rule we've followed since Sugar Bay opened in 2001, and it's probably the one that has done the most to shape how we care for children.
We call it the Rule of Three.
The rule that applies even when you've forgotten your shoes
When my husband and I were researching American summer camps before opening Sugar Bay in Zinkwazi Beach, KwaZulu-Natal, I learnt about the Rule of Three through the American Camp Association.
The principle is simple. A counselor must never be alone with an individual camper during normal camp activities and movements.
There must be at least three people together: two campers and a counselor, or two counselors and a camper.
It sounds straightforward until you see how often it affects an ordinary day at camp.
Imagine a child has finished breakfast and chosen BMX as his morning activity. He suddenly remembers that he's left his shoes in his cabin.
He asks his counselor if he can go back to fetch them.
Of course he can. But the counselor can't take him alone, even though it's only a quick walk to the cabin.
Another camper needs to go along, or they must find a second counselor.
It can seem unnecessarily complicated when all we're trying to do is retrieve a pair of shoes. But that's how seriously we apply the rule.
Older campers sometimes get frustrated with us. "Don't you trust me?" they'll ask.
I explain that it has nothing to do with whether we trust them. The same rule applies to everyone.
It protects the child by reducing opportunities for inappropriate one-on-one situations. It also protects our counselors by making sure their interactions with campers aren't taking place privately, without anyone else present.
Nobody gets special permission because we happen to know them well or because they've worked at Sugar Bay for years.
When a rule needs some common sense
After 25 years, I've recently had to reconsider one aspect of the Rule of Three.
I discovered that our counselors had been applying it even during medical emergencies.
If a child fell out of a bunk bed during the night and needed to go to the Health Centre, the counselor would wake another child to accompany them, just to comply with the rule.
I was astonished.
Our staff had become so protective of the rule that they were reluctant to make an exception, even when a child needed medical attention.
I've now made it clear that a genuine medical emergency takes priority. A child who needs urgent care must receive it promptly, with appropriate safeguards and accountability.
I suspect some of our counselors will still want to find that third person.
I find their commitment reassuring, but it reminded me that even a rule I've believed in for 25 years needs to be reviewed when circumstances demand it.
The children help us decide who looks after them
The Rule of Three is only one part of how we approach child safeguarding at Sugar Bay.
Another important part is something we introduced very early on: letting the campers evaluate their counselors.
Every week, we ask children about their experience. Among other things, we ask which counselors have been good role models and which haven't.
Even on a two-day school camp, we ask.
I've learnt to take those answers seriously.
Children can be remarkably perceptive about the adults looking after them. They know when a counselor genuinely enjoys being with them, and they notice when someone is impatient, distracted or simply going through the motions.
A counselor who is only there for the money or because their parents told them to get a holiday job is unlikely to enjoy working at Sugar Bay for very long.
It's demanding work. Our counselors spend their days and nights with the children, including sleeping in their cabins. They need to enjoy the company of young people, and the children need to feel comfortable around them.
We have a structured progression system, from trainee counselors through to squad leaders, division leaders and programmers. Advancement depends on performance, with regular assessments by the people supervising them.
Our squad leaders rotate, and I sit in on the weekly meetings where we review counselor performance and discuss bonuses and progression.
Camper feedback is an important part of those decisions. If someone consistently fails to meet our expectations, they won't continue working with us.
Being a family friend or knowing one of the directors doesn't change that.
The children are the reason we're here. Their experience of the people looking after them matters enormously.
What we check before someone joins the team
Of course, we can't rely on children's evaluations alone.
When recruiting people to work with children in South Africa, there are important background and suitability checks.
Our screening includes police clearance certificates and enquiries relating to the National Register for Sex Offenders and Part B of the National Child Protection Register.
This year, we've added another layer through Safehire.ai, a digital background-screening service.
It examines lawfully accessible online information and digital footprints, helping identify potential concerns that might not appear in a conventional criminal-record check.
I'm pleased that our screening has not raised concerns about the counselors we've assessed so far. But I would never suggest that a background check, however thorough, can tell us everything about a person.
That's why what happens after someone is hired matters just as much.
We supervise our counselors, evaluate them throughout their time with us and listen to the children in their care.
What happens when camp is over?
There's another boundary we've developed over the years that I think is particularly important.
Our counselors use camp nicknames. The children get to know them by those names, and those relationships are part of what makes camp so special.
But we don't allow counselors to form private relationships with campers outside Sugar Bay.
There was a period when some counselors created social media accounts using their camp nicknames so children could follow them. We stopped that.
Children can become very attached to a counselor who has given them attention, encouragement and friendship during their stay. I love seeing those relationships develop at camp.
But those relationships need to remain within the environment where we can supervise and support them.
A counselor should not be privately communicating with a camper after they leave, whether through social media, messaging apps or online games.
It's another boundary that protects both the children and the young adults we employ.
What parents should be asking
I understand why parents worry about sending their children away to a holiday camp or school tour.
They're placing an enormous amount of trust in people they may never have met, sometimes for an entire week.
If I were a parent choosing a children's camp, I'd want to know more than whether there are security guards, cameras or locked gates.
I'd want to know who can be alone with my child. How are the staff supervised? What happens when a child raises a concern? Does anybody ask the children what they think of the adults responsible for them?
And I'd want to know whether the people running the camp are prepared to question their own systems when something isn't working.
We've spent 25 years developing ours, and I still find things that need attention.
The Rule of Three has been one of the most valuable practices we've adopted. It's simple enough for a child to understand, but it requires a great deal of discipline from the adults.
And that forgotten pair of shoes? I'll happily send three people to fetch it.
I'd be interested to hear from other camp directors, school leaders and people working with children. Do you use the Rule of Three or a similar safeguarding policy? And how do you manage situations where a child needs urgent individual attention?
Notes from a camp director.
Zoë Ellender is the founder and director of Sugar Bay Camp, a children's holiday camp and school tour destination in Zinkwazi Beach on KwaZulu-Natal's North Coast, South Africa.
